Never Again May I Be Myself
by Trickster God Loki
Summary: A coma can change everything...Even your identity. A therapist is dispatched to examine said patient, as he tries dealing with the core of his crisis. WiP, NEEDS REVIEWS! Roxas/Sora, Axel/Kairi
1. Charisma and Chaos

**Sorry, I'm taking a break from my other fic and writing this to clear my head!**

**_Never Again May I Be Myself_**

**_Prequel: _Charisma, and Chaos**

**_Written By: _Loki**

**_Note: _Look at some of my old work before reading this and you'll be blown away at how much I've improved..._

* * *

_**

The heart monitor's beeping deafened the silence in the room. It was white, dreary and lifeless in this room... No one wanted to enter beyond the doorway. A small crowd stood behind a glass wall, peering into the room that held the boy who needed a respirator, several IVs and a bag of AB Negative blood dripped into another one of the hundreds of tubes and wires that covered the body.

Kairi shook as they changed the drip-bag, her little hands curled up as she sobbed against the glass. "...If only we waited for three more seconds..." she wailed, trying to keep her voice down as a silver-haired boy rubbed her back.

"It's going to be okay Kairi..." he assured her, cyan eyes filled with worry. "Let's leave him... He needs his rest... Let's... go to the usual spot."

Kairi nodded, as her white tank top was only splotched with a few droplets of blood while her brother lay in a coma. She'd only hit her nose from impact on the ground, Sora however, wasn't so lucky.

* * *

Riku stood against the tree, looking out at the ocean. "Hey So--" he began as he looked up at the empty spot. "...Right. Well, I'm sure he's going to be okay.... Destiny Island is doing it's best to stabilize him..."

Kairi broke out in a chain of silent sobs. "Sora... Sora's... He can't be...!" she trailed off as tears strolled down her face. She half-expected Sora to come running over and say it was a joke, but not this time... "I... I won't let him... go away...!"

A young doctor found the duo and the red-head straightened her face. "Sora..." the woman said as she held up her papers.

"How bad is it?" Riku asked, hoping it wasn't that bad.

"Is he going to live?" Kairi asked as she propelled off the tree to get an answer.

"Well... There's a better facility in Traverse Town..." the woman told them, "If we keep Sora on our life-support for much longer, he will most certainly die."

"Then move him!" Kairi screamed. She was the only family Sora had left... Their mother died when they were 8, so Riku's mother was helping them out until the twins seperated. Thier father, well, he left when the twins were infants.

"We need to get a signature from the eldest in your family, and you'll be moved to a better town until he wakes up." the woman said as she held out the papers.

Kairi took the papers and scrawled her name on them. "Sora and I are the last living survivors, the legacy, of the Gainsborough suicide incident. If I'm not allowed to sign, then my brother's life will be in shambles." the redhead told the doctor as she handed the papers back.

The doctor bowed and toom off as she went back to the Main Island.

* * *

"Sir, the Gainsborough girl said it wasn't a problem to move him." she told her boss, who grinned.

"Alright. If it's the daughter of Aerith, give her what she wants. But change the destination to Twilight Town. That way we won't have to bother with... old friends..." the man chuckled.

"Yes, Mr. Xemnas." the woman said as she retreated.

Passing a blonde boy in the hallway, the woman smirked. "Well kid, you're moving to Twilight Town tomorrow." she told him, daggers in her eyes.

"Y-Yes ma'am!" he stammered as he rushed down the hall and to his room, packing up his things, the blonde boy was ready to go. He knew he'd have top practice public speaking... I'm going to Twilight Town..."

* * *

**Loki here:**

**I wanted a slow start... If this makes you cry like I was when writing it, give yourself a cookie.**

**Also, review please!  
**


	2. Awakening

**_~Never Again Shall I Be Myself_**

**_~Chapter 2: Awakening_**

_**~Written by: Loki**_

_**~Note: If I owned KH it would be a PC H-game, no girls. Except for plot bunnies.  
**_

* * *

Kairi sat in the new hospital, as she'd become accustomed to going there after they moved in. Still, even with the push of Riku, the red-head refused to go past the doorway and preferred to stay behind the glass. The blonde assistant was always there, checking the pulse on Sora's wrist every few hours, changing the drip-bags and adhesive on the heart monitor that was attached to the brunette's chest and index finger. Every few days, the blonde would perform E.E.G.'s to check up on the brain patterns... and he was always so rushed... But managed to clean the respirator and bring in a new bag of liquid food every so often. The long tube ran from the hanging bag that was labelled 'vanilla', and down Sora's nose to disappear unless you opened his mouth to lean the resporator, which Sora gasped for air during the short time. Kairi knew she'd become depressed from Sora never waking up, and after all, he did have this boy to help him during this time and just... stopped visiting.

On her way home, Axel Wise grinned at her, rollerblading around her as he laughed carelessly. "Hey Kairi! How about we go out for an energy shake after you go see Sora?" he asked, rollerblading backwards, trying to impress Kairi.

Her initial response was 'no', but it would get her mind off of the blame... She was the one supposed to in that bed... If Sora hadn't shoved her out of the way... "I've gone already.. Want to go now?" she sighed, her lack of enthusiasm was from causing the mess.

"Mind if I go call Hayner and everyone?" he asked, "We could just go on a date--as and--with friends."

"Are you completely random?" she asked, clasping her hand over her mouth as she realized what she'd said. The girl had asked that blonde boy to play old cartoons from when they were kids, and the one that got the most brainwaves was the classic CGI show, Reboot. Since the hospital was so quiet, she could hear the voices through the glass and cried when that boy announced that Sora was giving off positive brain activity. So, she asked if that Sora watch Reboot as much as he could.

Axel just chuckled at her, skidding to a halt he put an arm around her shoulder. "No, I'm not insane." he laughed, understanding her as she had been listening to her brother's favorite show for hours on end, hoping it'd wake him up.

* * *

Roxas chuckled, as he'd memorized the whole speech that the guardian gave while the show loaded... Sometimes, he'd recite it to get brain activity from Sora, anything to keep the boy alive. Sitting on a chair, with a mouse in-hand, he watched the screen as he pressed the 'play' button for the millionth time.

"I come from the net. Through systems, and cities to this place... Mainframe. My format: Guardian." the television said as the brain activity spiked up again, "To mend and defend. To defend my new-found friends. Their hopes, and dreams... to defend them from their enemies."

The brainwaves were really spiking now... "They say the user lives outside of the net... and inputs games for pleasure. No one knows for sure, ...But I intend to find out." Roxas looked at both the screen and Sora. The brunette had finally opened his eyes! Roxas knocked over the chair in his joy. "Doctor Larxene!" Roxas cried with a happiness in his voice.

The woman looked up from the papers and at the overly-joyed boy. "This had better be good." she snarled, obviously having a hectic day, as she walked over to see what happened. "My.. Who'd have guessed that after so long, he'd wake up?"

Sora gazed up at two people who were staring down at him... Why was he laying down...? And most importantly... why couldn't he move?

Hearing a yawn escape the woman's throat, Sora rolled his eyes. If she was tired, she could go to bed.

"Good morning Sora." another voice said. It was male for sure... "My name is Roxas Kurayami, and I was assigned to look after you. Blink twice if you have any questions."

Sora blinked twice. His throat couldn't move, he was cold, and wasn't he missing someone?

The voice chuckled. "I forgot... You've been in this state for 5 years, 4 months and 24 days now." The light being kind to him, he could see a blonde boy. "I'm going to be your therapist for a little while... Until you learn to read, speak, write, and walk again."

Something wet escaped Sora's eyes, in his vegetative state, he didn't know what was going anymore. But... five years...? How old was he? Did he finally grow taller? Oh he had questions alright... but he couldn't say them.

"Blink once if you understand." Roxas stated, as he saw the boy blink once. Wiping the tears away, Roxas pulled a lever to prop Sora up, but found the boy was writhing. Checking the charts, Roxas punched the nurse call button and two rushed in. "It'll be okay... Your body isn't used to it... I apologize." Roxas said, both holding Sora's hand which gripped on his with immense force. "Sora, it's okay... Please, calm down... It's the only way to get you out of this seizure."

* * *

Pain shot throughout Sora's body as his head reeled back and the front of his arms pressed against the bed, causing him to bounce rapidly on the bed. Oh dear God it hurt! Sora begged for someone to help him! When the pain subsided, he could faintly hear "Sora... Calm down please... Please calm down..." as he drifted back into unconsciousness.

He felt a hand stroking his, but Sora had no idea whose it was. It was soft... Sora was exhausted from this expeirience. He'd only broken out in hives after a wasp bit him, that was about it... _Mom, where are you?_ Sora thought as his mind drifted deeper into sleep.

It was so strange though... He never passed out before like this... maybe the time he broke his arm, and someone was trying to call for help... Who was that perosn... He didn't know if that person was his age, or someone he knew... All he knew right now was that his name was Sora...

* * *

**Loki here, just checking up on you guys. The whole thing with the head reeling back and arms making Sora bounce happened to me on Sunday. So, haha, I bitof a self-insert there, but...**

**Thanks for reading, please review and I'll keep up the good work!**

**Ciao,**

**Loki.**


	3. Failed Therapy

**_~Never Again Shall I Be Myself_**

**_~Chapter 3: _Failed Therapy_  
_**

_**~Written by: **_**Loki**

_**~Note: If I owned KH it would be a PC H-game, no girls. Except for plot bunnies.  
**_

* * *

Sora was seated in a wheelchair, with the now-familiar Roxas across from him. It was a small room, much smaller than the one he was provided in the ICU a few months ago. Now, Sora was placing tiny steel bars, one by one, in a contraption while the blonde timed him. 'Last bar...' Sora thought as his left hand slotting the thing in and Roxas stopped.

"Twenty-two seconds, with both hands. You're improving greatly Sora." Roxas praised as he saw the other's pout. Sora couldn't speak properly yet, just the basics, yet the boy was reading every book in the hospital from Horror to Romance and he was starting on University level books. Over the past three months, Sora had improved physically and mentally. But, Sora didn't like writing, because his muscles had reverted back to chicken scratch, and no longer had neat, cursive writing. "Come on Sora, let's give you your medication and let's practice how to hold a pencil again."

"No." Sora replied. It was all his vocal chords knew what to say aside from 'yes' and a few other basics.

"Though, do you understand what this is teaching your body to do?" Roxas asked, glad that Sora wasn't mute anymore. He had his degree as a therapist and was working full-time to help Sora. Five years ago, he was doing his homework while performing fieldwork... It was that day he and Sora were transferred to Twilight Town. Back then, it was volenteer work, and Roxas loved it. Don't get the wrong idea, he still enjoyed the occasional nod from Sora, or one of his few words.

"Yes." Sora sighed, tugging a little at the tube that was down his nose. He was glad to be off the respirator, really he was, but he was DYING to bite into a cheeseburger. Jello just got old after three months of eating that. Yogurt and other foods were slowly being added into his diet, but he wished he could tear the tube from his nose out and eat something that needed to be bitten down on.

Roxas pulled Sora's hand down, as the boy was still rather weak for one in his state. "Sora, let's abandon Speech and get you to walk for me." Roxas sighed, knowing the other dreamed of walking and travelling by foot again. The only reason he was giving Sora yogurt and other foods with Jello was that Sora had rejected it.

Lifting Sora up, Roxas set Sora between the bars. Sora gripped the bars for dear life as he stood there for barely a minute, collapsing into a seizure. "SORA!" a cry, Roxas' cries, stood out through the white noise. Roxas had to call the nurses again to get Sora's hands off of the bars while he convulsed. The blonde held Sora loosely, talking softly to the brunette as he thrashed in his arms. Roxas knew it was time to change medications for the umpteenth time, but it had to be done.

* * *

Sora woke up in his room, exhausted. Roxas was there, sleeping in a chair. A nurse watched over the brunette as he looked around. "...My meds?" he quietly asked, trying to be polite as she shook her head. The blonde nurse had her hair pulled all the way to one side, and Sora liked that about her.

"I apologize." She carefully said as she picked up a standard medical syringe. It was for medication, not injection. "Your doctor, Doctor Kurayami, has told me not to give you your medication tonight. It will be standard procedure, as we are changing your medication."

Sora smiled weakly. He liked how the woman talked. She reminded him of someone he once knew... If only he could remember that person's face and name... "Do I know you?" he asked, shakily holding a hand to his sweat-soaked forehead. The woman pulled his hand back to his side hasitly and shook her head. "No, I don't believe so." She told him, as she pulled a clotth from the cabinet, wet it and placed it on Sora's forehead. "My name is Namine Kurayami, Roxas's little sister."

The brunette sighed, the blonde bombshell was Roxas's sister... Then he had no chance until Hell froze over and penguins learned to fly. He gave up Namine for good while he had his chance. "I'm tired... Why's that?" he asked, Namine stuck a paper under his toungue and left everything, except for the monitors, off.

"You had four five minute convulsions in a row. It took eight nurses and four doctors to get Roxas to let go of you." Namine told him, "My onii-sama's gotten attached to you. You're lucky to have him as your caretaker all this time. I heard from Doctor Larxene that onii-sama didn't leave your side unless it was very importanant for those five years."

"Five years... Four months... Twenty-four days." Sora recalled. The brunette had taken to reading his own medical folder, and found out he was really twenty-two with the mentality of a seventeen-year-old... Though, he was steadily maturing to match his age.

"Exactly."

Sora felt pain shoot through his body again, and this time the white noise was too loud for him to heard the cries of an awoken Roxas and a panicked Namine. With the pain escalating until it became too much, Sora passed out yet again, and hoped he wasn't going to die.

* * *

**Loki here, just checking up on you guys. I'm sorry it's short...  
**

**The whole chapter happened to me (aside from the eight nurses and four doctors part), but I recovered much faster as I was in a coma for such a shorter time than Sora. **

**Thanks for reading, please review and I'll keep up the good work!**

**Ciao,**

**Loki.**


	4. The Opposite Effect

**_~Never Again Shall I Be Myself_**

**_~Chapter Four: _The Opposite Effect_  
_**

_**~Written by: **_**Loki**

_**~Note: If I owned KH it would be a PC H-game, no girls. Except for plot bunnies.  
**_

* * *

"...And Hayner totally shattered his knee when he carried me off my balcony!" a brunette, Olette, said as Hayner looked down from the memory.

A red-haired girl laughed at the story, since she had focused on rebuilding her life one domino at a time. "I have an even better one! Sora wanted to impress this new girl, Selphie, and broke his arm during a Blitzball tournament! I told him not to do it, but Selphie liked him alright!" she giggled, brushing one of her braided pigtails back.

The red-head had taken to wearing the old pink dresses her mother wore. The pink dress was something she could wear to formal occasions if she took the red denim jacket off.

Pence had slimmed down and was pretty handsome, but Kairi wasn't on the market until her brother was better. Speaking of Sora, Kairi hadn't gone to the hospital in a couple of years. She almost completely forgot how he'd gotten there, she would have if she didn't wake up screaming about the accident.

"We've heard that one a million times Kai, what about you?" Pence asked, "All you talk about is this 'Sora' guy."

Kairi finished fixing her ribbons when she heard that comment. "I talk about Sora because it keeps his memory alive." she coldly said, fixing her braids again. "I'm just someone who wants to rebuild something that cannot be rebuilt. If you had Sora here, he'd be positive about his coma."

"Coma?" Hayner asked, snapping his head up, "What happened to him?"

Kairi felt the cellphone in her jacket pocket ring, but ignored it. "It happened seven years ago... A few weeks before I first came to this town..." she sighed, biting her lip.

Axel brought some energy shakes, since he worked at Cyberia, only THE only club for teenagers that didn't serve alcohol and yet, alot of teenagers got drunk from the atmosphere alone. "What's shakin'?" he asked, grinning at the four. "I saw no one served you guys... I'm on break so... Mind if I.."

"No, go ahead." Olette told Axel as the male practically laid back on the chair.

"Well, I'm not sure anymore.." Kairi stated standing up, as a hand grabbed her wrist.

"I'll be here.. It won't be so bad." Axel told her as he held Kairi's wrist. Seeing her nod, Axel let go of Kairi and she sat down again.

"Okay... it was back in maybe 2000, I know we'd just gotten out of school and grad had begun..." Kairi said, holding the jacket close as her friends listened intentively. "Well, that was eight or nine years ago..."

* * *

_Sora had just gotten ready for grad when he rushed through the traffic to see how his twin was faring. Pretty well, he'd guessed as Kairi had finished sewing the last of her zippers onto the strapless pink dress that she wore with a white halter top. It seemed she was having troubles with the bow at the back of her neck._

_Kairi was glad Sora helped her, as she was still adding little touches to the dress such as lace and a rolled hem. Riku was going to pick her up when grad ended, so Sora would have a night to himself._

_The brunette held out his hand for his twin to hold as they would come to the ceremony together and receive their diplomas together, Sora laughed as Kairi took his hand after they pulled on their shoes and left the house._

_The red-head had her hair pinned up in the back, and asked Selphie to do her make-up this once. Everything was perfect... Though she kept thinking that if only their mother survived the suicide incident, she would be able to hold them and be proud of her children. Though, the two wouldn't be so close or protective of each other if the incident didn't happen._

_Kairi found herself being pulled across the highway, and she knew that Jay-walking was illegal. But it was a important day and they couldn't waste any time on walking to the school to cross the street. A bright light was closing in, and Kairi found herself laying face-first on the concrete, and had only twisted an ankle. Sora, however... was broken up in every place imaginable, aside from the spine, neck and head.  
_

_A passer-by had called 911, reporting the accident. It was one hell of a grad alright, as Kairi went up to the ceremonies alone and accepted Sora's diploma for him. After that, she'd immediately gone to the hospital with Riku, to see if Sora was going to live.__

* * *

_"...And then a doctor asked me to sign forms to send Sora here, and wemoved here together... though, he doesn't know because he's still asleep." she sighed, pulling out the cellphone that been ringing non-stop throughout thewhole story.

"Wow Kairi. I didn't know you had it that rough... What happened to your dad?" Olette asked, biting into a parfait.

Kairi pursed her lips as her father was mentioned. "He ran away when were still babies." she said, checking the phone to see the whole twenty-two missed calls and two new voicemails. The girl pushed the buttons on her phone and found the hospital had called her. ...Great. But, she would listen to the voicemails anyways. They were both from that blonde boy who was looking after Sora.

_"Good Afternoon. My name is Roxas Kurayami, Sora's physician. It has come to my attention that you do not wish to visit your brother anymore. He had awoken three years ago, but he still has no idea who you are or what connection you have to him." the boy sighed as a shuffling noise was made in the background, probably shifting phones or switching positions in his chair, "Your brother has been doing very well with improving his speech and writing. Though it seems whenever I try to get him to try to walk, he breaks out in a series of convulsions until his body cannot possibly take it any longer. Is there something you'd wish to talk to me about regarding his health? His upper torso is working perfectly, yet he cannot walk or run which has me frightened when he starts crying for help when he's having another convulsion."_

Kairi listened to Roxas and cleaned her ears out. Sora was awake?

_"Also, in regards to his being taken care of, will you be stopping by to take care or him or shall I continue with my job?" Roxas asked, a faint groan in the background was heard. "Please think carefully, and I await your decision. I sincerely thank you for your time."_

_

* * *

_"What was that Kairi?" Axel asked, getting up since his break was nearly over. He fastened his rollerblades again. In Cyberia, the waiters wore rollerblades to get the food faster to the customers.

"Sora's awake..." Kairi said, dumbfounded. "He was awake for three years now..."

* * *

**Loki here, just checking up on you guys.  
**

**Wow, I jumped to reviews in one chapter. At least I revealed what happened to _Sora_! **

**MY story is alot more intricate and involves alot of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, suicide, etc.  
**

**Thanks for reading, please review and I'll keep up the good work!**

**Ciao,**

**Loki.**


	5. A LongAwaited Visit

**_~Never Again Shall I Be Myself_**

**_~Chapter Five: _A Long-awaited Visit_  
_**

_**~Written by: **_**Loki**

_**~Note: If I owned KH it would be a PC H-game, no girls. Except for plot bunnies.**_

**

* * *

**Axel had starting rollerblading again, but skidded to a halt when he heard Kairi's words. "Say again?" he asked, and this was _Axel Wise_, the man with the memory of an elephant and brain of Einstein.

Kairi dropped her cellphone, the shaking from the day of the accident came back instantly. "Sora... He's awake..." she quietly choked, her throat refused to work and her new life... was slipping through her fingers. "My........My..."

Olette had rushed up and hugged her friend tightly. "Shhh, it'll be okay..." she soothed, as she felt the tears drip onto her shoulder.

"It's all ...my fault!" Kairi cried, her voice choked up again, the sniffles were very apparent in her voice. "He doesn't ...know _anything_ ...about me, and he ....could be dy..ing ....for all ....ungk _know_!"

Hayner put a hand on Kairi's shoulder, and nodded. "We'll go with you if you want." he told her, making sure he was going to keep his promise. "It's been a while since you last saw him. So, we'll all go."

Axel grinned and tapped in another order of parfaits "You guys wait here until I'm off my shift. Cause you can't forget Axel Wise!" he told the group as two brunettes and the blonde nodded. Kairi was still in shock, so she couldn't do anything... "See you guys in an hour! I'll be your waiter until then."

"Alright. In an hour." Hayner sighed, since he hated waiting for Axel. He always went home and had a shower when he finished his shift. Though, Axel always donned clean clothes and rollerblades when he wasn't working. That was the good part about Axel being their friend, he was always cleaned up when he went out somewhere.

* * *

The hour started out as boring, since Kairi didn't want to talk about anything. She undid her hair, asking Olette to braid it up pretty in the back and Hayner to tie one of the pink ribbons around the top of the braid, but Olette fixed that, and scolded Hayner... Telling him to re-learn to tie his shoes.

Pence had given Kairi her cellphone back and was on his second parfait. "Kai, what's up with this change?" he asked, not that he minded it or anything. She looked better with that style of hair in his opinion.

"Sora... Sora needs me." she quietly said as she lightly pulled the long braid to one side. "If he doesn't know who I am, he might remember Mom."

"Do you really look that much like your mother?" Axel asked, obviously eavedropping, as he skated by. "Anything else while I'm still on my shift?"

"Can I have a Hollow Bastion Heart Throb?" Kairi asked, looking up at Axel.

"I love your hair Kairi, you should do it like that more often." he complimented, "Now, a HB heart throb... and what else? This one round's on me."

"A large poutine and a Sprite," Pence said, as he grinned. How he stayed thin was beyond the group.

"Another Hollow Bastion Heart Throb..." Olette said, she still held Kairi.

"A bowl of sea salt ice cream, and the Cyberia Special to drink."

"Alright. It'll take a bit for the poutine, that okay Pence?" Axel asked, tapping his temple to show everyone he had the orders memorized. "Also, good choice on the HB Heart throbs and Cyberia Special. Your beverages and food shall be here momentarily." With that, Axel skated off.

Kairi smiled as Axel made her day. she made a mental note to tip him when he got back. Taking out her wallet, Kairi looked at a photograph of a young woman who was the spitting image of Kairi, but with chocolate brown hair, her brother and herself. Back then, Sora was best friends with Riku and both boys always fought with Kairi over everything. pulling out a photo behind the family one, it was a different scene. Sora and Kairi smiled together, held hands and just were stupid. Riku wasn't a third wheel now, but pretty important when it came to going home. That was their sixteenth birthday, and nothing mattered anymore.

"Wait, can you go back to the other one?" Olette asked as Kairi put the photograph away to show the family photograph. Hayner took the wallet and Kairi stood up in an attempt to get it back. "You look exactly look the woman in the photo. Was that your mother?"

Kairi blushed at the comment. She had grown out her hair for that reason. And wearing pink wasn't a problem for her, she loved the color. Her mother's world, Gaia, was destroyed by the Heartless when she was only a teenager and she'd met their father... The coward left the day Kairi and Sora were born.

* * *

Sora had gone through a ton of medication, and now he was pretty much seizure-free, but it was only when he tried walking. The brunette was going through some serious depression because he couldn't walk, though he couldn't say that he'd always wanted to race people in a wheelchair. This thought alone cheered him up.

"How're we today Sora?" Roxas asked entering the room, Namine following suit. She had a dixie cup and one of those ketchup holders you got for your fries at fast-food joints in her hands. It was time for Sora's medication...

Sora set the Rubik's cube down and took his medication. "I'm good today... just stuck on this stupid cube..." he pouted.

The girl claimed he had a weird way of taking his pills, since Sora would take the water and let it settle in the back of his throat first and then drop the pills into his throat then swallow. Though for Tylenol, or any painkillers, he'd take dry then drink a ton of water.

Roxas smiled at Sora, as he was to try to get Sora to walk one more time... Even it meant he had to use the bars for support. "Let's get your mind off of the cube and try walking again, alright?" the physician said as he helped Sora to his feet, hissing at how tight the other's grip was on him. "You'll need to get out of that chair somethime..."

Sora was holding for dear life as Roxas was pulling him to his feet. "No! No! No! No more! I don't wan't to pass out again!" he cried, "Please, no more! I'm begging you!"

"Onii-sama... He's desperate, but he's gotten farther than before..." Namine said, running her finger through the ends of her now-short, blonde hair. "Maybe he'll stand a chance if he builds up hid muscles in his legs..."

"Huh..." Roxas smirked, "We'll that's that."

There was a knock on the door, Namine answered it. "Onii-sama, put him down. Sora's got visitors." she said, stalling the older blonde as Sora was put back in the wheelchair. It was embarressing to see the blonde stuggle with Sora, who had the obvious advantage. Once Sora hit Roxas in the leg for trying that stunt, Roxas hopped into a computer cahir and played Minesweeper, Namine let the guests in.

"...Sora?" Kairi asked, not exacly used to seeing her brother grown-up. "...Sora is that you?"

"Momma?" Sora inquired, "Is that you Momma?!"

Kairi turned to Axel to hide her tears. He really had no idea who she was! The sands of fate were so cruel!

"She's just gotten word of you waking up..." Axel told the brunette, "But she's not your mom."

"I don't have a sister... Do I?" Sora was confused. That woman looked so much like his Momma, but if she wasn't his Momma, was she a childhood friend he couldn't remember?

Kairi was frustrated with him. So frustrated... Turning back to face Sora, Kairi couldn't hold it back anymore. "Sora Gainsbourough! You stupid, ignorant idiot! Do you have any idea how many days I've spent watching to see if you were okay?!" she snapped.

Olette tried to hold Kairi back, but Axel stopped Olette. "Let her get it all out. It's part of human nature to worry... right?" Axel told Olette, but Sora heard him.

"Who _are_ you?" he asked, confused.

Kairi tossed her wallet over to Sora. "Kairi Gainsbourough. Your twin sister." she sulked, retreated behind Axel, gripping his hand.

"Olette Fairweather." Olette said as she introduced herself, "Kairi's friend."

"...Hayer Milton..." the blonde of the group quietly said, since he hated his last name, "Kairi's friend."

"Pence Small, also Kairi's friend." Pence grinned.

"Axel Wise, Kairi's boyfriend and friends with the three idiots."

"You tryin' to start a fight?!" Hayner yellled, raising his fists.

"Calm down Hayner... Or you might have to stay here." Olette giggled, holding back her boyfriend.

"Hmph. I don't need to waste no energy on Wise..." Hayner sighed, sitting back in a chair. "He could beat himself up with that brain o' his."

Sora had taken a liking to this group, though, he had no idea why this Kairi girl introduced herself as his twin, unless it was true. Snapping the wallet open, Sora got a bad headache. Was it because of the photograph? It looked like somewhere he knew... And he knew that girl beside him... and there was his Momma. "Hey, what happened to Momma? You have to know if we're twins!"

Kairi smiled, since she was an expert at telling about their mother's death. "Okay, I'll tell you." she whispered, pulling a chair beside Sora's wheelchair and began the story.

* * *

**Loki here, just checking up on you guys.  
**

**Thanks you xXxSmidgexXx and EnigmaEric for giving me ideas for this one!**

**Thanks for reading, please review and I'll keep up the good work!**

**Ciao,**

**Loki.**


	6. Deceitful Past

**~Never Again May I Be Myself**

**Chapter Six: Deceitful Past  
**

**Disclaimer: If I owned KH… Well, you know….

* * *

**

After Kairi explained the story, she noticed Sora was twitching. She got up, she'd backed up until she was hidden behind Axel again. "Sora…?" she slowly asked, scared of what was happening. She felt Axel run his fingers through her hair to calm her down and peeked around Axel's back. Sora had thought the pain was from remembering… But his suspicion was wrong. He began to realize that the pains weren't from remembering, but from that too-common hellish pain that his physician called seizures. "Roxas…" he nervously cried, while his legs were twitched and flailed on their own. One of his ankles got caught behind a leg rest and pain seared through the leg as it tried to free itself from the metal's grasp.

Roxas closed his game of Minesweeper after hearing Sora cry out. Most times, Sora was okay, and he didn't need to help him much anymore. Most times, Roxas just had to talk to Sora. "It's going to be alright…" the blonde other said as he lightly gripped Sora's hand. Roxas turned to face his sister, who was putting away her nail file. "Namine… I think Sora's been through enough today." He told the nurse as she nodded and started escorting the group out.

"Miss Gainsbourough, as Sora's personal nurse, I wish to find out the cause of the anomaly that is refusing your brother from walking." Namine told the group, though her words were directed at Kairi. The blonde woman began scrawling on the back of a blank report. "I shall leave you a personal number to dial when you feel comfortable talking to either Roxas or myself about how Sora's accident may have affected him."

Kairi tightened her grip on Axel, as she wasn't used to seeing her brother in such a helpless state! Namine nodded as Axel took the paper in Kairi's stead.

"Right." Axel told the nurse, looking over the number to memorize it already. "I'll make sure she calls you about the accident." he added, turning to leave, but the door opened and everyone stopped and stared at the physician..

* * *

Roxas entered the hall, closing the door behind him as the worry and relief somehow mixed perfectly on his pale face. The blonde boy looked up from his checkered Vans and a frown was painted on his face. "Miss Gainsbourough… Sora's asleep now. The bad news is... His seizures are starting to evolve. I actually had to sedate him this time so that it'd prevent him from biting his tongue." Roxas sighed, frustration made it's way into the mix. "The good news is, if I start hydrotherapy, he'll be able to stand and walk, though walking will take a much longer process. He will acquire his dream of being able to walk again, but he won't be able to run again without the proper training."

Kairi buried her face in Axel's back, shaking her head 'no', since Sora hadn't gotten the chance to stand amongst his peers in nine long years…even after he'd woken up those three years ago. The redheaded girl just kept shaking her head until the pink ribbon fell out her hair and ran off.

Axel felt the light shove and contemplated on whether or not to go after his girlfriend. "Milton, Small, go talk to her," Axel sighed. He didn't like using the other boys' last names unless he was in a bad mood… The two went after Kairi, as the pyro would have to choke a bitch if his girlfriend were harmed in any way what-so-ever.

Kairi let her legs lead her, the little silver tears streaming down her face as she didn't care where she landed up. When her feet stopped, she was in the Usual Spot, remembering all of the fun times she had with Sora on vacation when they were kids… and the times she spent with the group…

* * *

Kairi sat in the large red recliner that she sat with Sora in when they were kids and remembered his words. Sora's words.

"_I'm going to grow up big and strong! That way, you'll never get hurt!" Sora laughed, as he hugged the girl who was crying. Kairi.  
_

_"You promise?" Kairi asked, eyes puffy and wide._

_"I promise."  
_

The girl pulled her knees to chin and broke down. "…Liar." She breathed, hiding her face. "Stupid Sora."

_"Kairi, you're late! You could have gotten hurt in the Sandlot with all the big kids running around!"_

"I stayed safe…. Because you were always there… Always there to protect me…" Kairi told the memory as she got up, and her feet led her to Sandlot.

"_Leave her alone! Pick on someone your own size you giant meanie!" Sora yelled, as he protected his sister, who was hiding behind him.  
_

"…_Meanie?" the bully asked, smirking._

"_Yeah, you're picking on my sister! Stop it!"  
_

_Just then, a kid who seemed to own the place, punched the bully and broke up the fight, sending the twins away. The savior's name was Seifer.  
_

"…_Thanks Sora…" Kairi said, a little red tinging her cheeks.  
_

"…_I'm doing my job! Anything for Kairi!" Sora grinned, holding Kairi's hands.  
_

_Kairi and stood on her toes and kissed her twin on the cheek. "My hero."_

_Sora and Kairi laughed, heading to the Station, since their visit was over._

"…Sora…" Kairi sighed, "Why aren't you here when I need you the most?" The girl's feet led her back to the Usual Spot and she laid down on the couch, not caring how old or lumpy the thing was. It was something she needed…to be with some part of her memory to ease her pain.

* * *

Sora was in a sedated state, unfocused.... He couldn't talk as his body violently thrashed and then abruptly stopped. It was true, Sora had tried killing himself mid-seizure. His body wouldn't respond to anything... He was in suspended animation, as his mind was asleep, his body wasn't.

Roxas sat next to Sora, stroking the other's hand. "Sora.... I'm sorry... But you have so much more to live for." he sighed, "So much more... Your sister, friends, even if we get you walking again... we can't guarantee if you'll ever run again... But, you'll be standing, being stronger... If your body can't take it, we'll just give you a wheelchair..."

Axel and Olette watched and listened as Roxas spoke to the sedated boy. "Isn't it a bit useless? Talking to him in a state like that?" Olette asked, curious.

Roxas looked up at the two. "I've gotten used to talking to Sora when he's asleep." he explained. "Eight years of him being your patient, and you wouldn't mind talking to a sleeping person either..."

"Do you talk to him when he's... twitchy?" the girl asked, again, curious.

"Of course. Calm speech sometimes assists a seizing person..." the blonde smiled. "It coaxes the mind to also calm itself down... But, Sora only sometimes will remember to calm his own nerves... Sometimes it's frustrating... but the time for each seizure is decreasing... Before, Sora would have twenty minute seizures until his body could not take it..."

"...Whoa.." the two said, in unison. Needless to say, they were shocked.

"But with time withdrawal, Sora's seizures have become more violent. Such as today, he had tried killing himself." Roxas told the two, his speech completely calm. "There was the time he had hit his head against the bathroom wall repeatedly... We had to replace the tile with cushions..."

"That violent, huh?" Axel asked the physician, who nodded.

"It is imperative that I never abandon my job. If I do leave my patient, I always leave Namine in charge of watching him." Roxas sighed, "Sora was paralyzed when he had first woken. As I trained his muscles, he had grown not only stronger physically, but also mentally. What puzzles me is why he cannot remember his own sister, and yet the face of his mother..."

"Kairi told the whole lot about their mother." Axel said to Roxas, holding up Kairi's wallet and opening it to show the photograph to the blonde.

"I see now... The only difference now is the hair color... but his mind registered his sister as his mother from most likely supressed memories." Roxas agreed, "If Kairi were to cut her hair and wear the same style of clothing as before, it may trigger a memory of his lost sister from Sora."

Axel took the wallet back and smiled. "She said she was growing it for cancer anyway..." he shugged, pocketing the wallet. "I dunno, I can talk to her later. Besides, you know him better than anyone else..."

Roxas nodded and politely asked the two to leave. After the duo left, Roxas sighed and bent over the bed... Falling asleep.

* * *

**Loki here:**

**It was SPECTACULARLY long, but it _worked_.**

**I said it'd be longer... and it is... I was pretty pissed off when I started this, and I'm so mellow now...**

**Haha~!**

**Well, _please_ review!  
**


	7. Home Therapy

**~Never Again May I Be Myself**

**Chapter Seven: Home Therapy  
**

**Disclaimer: If I owned KH… Well, you know….**

**Note: These are real medications. DO NOT TAKE THEM.  
**

* * *

Sora woke up dazed out his mind. "...Rox..as?" the brunette mumbled as Roxas shot up in his chair after losing his third Solitaire game. It had been at least three hours since Kairi left and Roxas was relieved Sora didn't try to kill himself again.

"Good morning Sora." Roxas said as he got up to face his patient. "I have a question to ask you. What does one of your seizures feel like?" He was always curious about that since Sora described it as 'painful', but never went into details.

Sora lifted his left arm, the one that started all the bad seizing and hit his right leg. "My.. My.. these... " obviously trying to focus on what he was saying when he so exhausted... "..get numb. And then.. I'm on fire. Like a Charlie Horse... Or.. Needles."

"..Needles?" Roxas asked, curiosity growing now. "Like Pins and Needles?" Seeing Sora nod and lay back Roxas took his notebook and recorded that little statement. He would have to experiment with some medication combinations in his free time when Sora was asleep. "You should take your medication early have some sleep Sora." Roxas said as he picked up the cup, smiling at Sora despite the fact that Sora was shaking the entire time.

When Sora fell asleep again, Roxas began looking back into some meds he didn't combine. "Maybe I'll try both the max dose of Divelproex and Topiramate this time. And we'll see how low of a dose he can handle for both." he said, placing the file back in the huge folder.

* * *

Walking slowly to avoid the traffic, A twenty-three year old Riku Hikari entered Twilight Town. It was at Kairi's request that he come and see Sora as soon as he could. It was something about Sora's memory...? He didn't even know Sora was awake!

During his time away, Riku had gotten a degree in Criminal Prosecution and sent the man who put Sora in coma to prison. Passing his Bar Exam was the least he could do for Sora. If it weren't for Sora's voice in his head, telling he couldn't hurt the guy, he would have sent the driver to death row a long time ago.

His feet lead him to the hospital, where he asked a young nurse where Sora's room was.

"I'll go see if he's in any condition to speak right now." the white-clad girl smiled as she held her clip-board and walked off, returning momentarily. "He's about to rest from a big day. Is it anything important, Sir?"

Riku blinked. Big day? What went on today? Regardless, he should be taking some days off.. Reaching in he pocket, he grabbed a small star-shaped charm Sora and Kairi made for him as kids. It was his good luck charm and he never lost a Prosecution with it. "Give this to him. It's a good luck charm." Riku told her as he folded the charm in her palm then walked away.

Now... Where to sleep for the night.. That was the question, and Kairi had her own life. Didn't she?

* * *

"Riku!" Kairi called as Riku passed the icecream shop. "Come over here!"

Riku shook his head and walked over the spot Kairi was at. "Long time no see." he said, "You look more like your mom as the days go by."

"You barely knew her!" she laughed, "I was eight when happened."

"And I was nine."

"Like that makes any difference, Mr. Laywer." Kairi said, poking Riku in the chest.

"Mr. Prosecutor. I don't defend. I imprisoned the man who ran over Sora."

Kairi shook her head. "You know Sora wouldn't like that. He's just too soft." she sighed. "Anyways, I was just about to meet everyone at the Usual Spot for some icecream. Wanna join?"

"Sure, why not? I just got here.. And the nurse said Sora's about to sleep."

Kairi hung her head. "I forgot to tell you that Sora's not doing too well." she said.

"What? I'm sure they're looking after him." Riku told her.

"I mean, he can't walk."

"Oh." ...Just, 'oh', was all that could escape Riku's mouth.

* * *

Back in the hospital, Sora looked at the Charm and smiled. "Riku's here." he said softly, laying back on the bed. "Thanks for letting me have this Naminé."

Naminé smiled and gave a small nod. "It's not a big deal. Anyways, it's time for Roxas to go home and rest himself. I'll be going to be around the room when you need me, ask." she explained, taking Roxas' beaten-up coat and placing it on his shoulders. "You go home now Mister."

"..I wanna go home with Roxas." Sora said.

Roxas smiled and ran his fingers through Sora's spiky hair. "Maybe when we straighten out your medication. My apartment's a disaster zone." he chuckled.

Sora's eyes brightened like Christmas Town's tree. "Yeah! Okay! I can agree to that!" he told Roxas. Now he had some hope of getting out of this hospital every once in a while.

Roxas looked at Naminé and pointed to the new meds. "This time I tried combining some old ones. I hope it will work." he said, pulling on the jacket and leaving.

"I hope so too." Naminé said.

"Don't talk like I'm not here!"

The blondes laughed. "Im plenty smart!"

Four hours after Sora downed the medication.. nothing happened. He was extremely tired though and wanted to eat something... okay he was starving, but he.. was fine. Naminé called Roxas on an emergancy, since he wanted to know exactly what was going on to record it.

"He's .. fine."

"Sora, do you want to try walking again?"

"...No. I have seizures." he said, "I don't like seizures."

"I promise you won't have them this time."

Sora glared at Roxas as though to say 'If I ever-so twitch... I'll break your neck' and gripped the blonde's wrists_ hard_. Taking a couple of assisted steps, Sora was surprised and stumbled a little bit.

"You're doing okay! Just relax... One foot in front of the other." Roxas coaxed, walking backwards as Sora took his first steps in nine years. "You're going great!"

The brunette's knees buckled under him. "I don't know how.. but today is the first day without a seizure." Sora said.

Roxas picked Sora and put him back in bed. "If we keep you these new meds, we might never encounter another seizure in your life." he explained, "Might. Although, its a slim chance with your record. I know you might never be able to drive or run again, but walking is a good start."

"Walking a great start." Sora said, looking at his feet. "Can I have another blanket? It's cold in here."

Blanket? "Yeah. Xion, can you pass Naminé a blanket?"

Sora had all met the staff of the hospital. It was strange that everyone's names had X's in them. The only cool one was Roxas' in his opinion for being "Sora". Axel had quit the hospital buisness a long time ago, so he no long saw Lea around. Relena was Larxene, ect.. But he couldn't address anyone by their real names.. It was a policy at the hospital. Everybody abandoned their old lives to become who they were.

* * *

Riku smiled and had a good laugh as the group decided he should have a couple drinks with him. "You do realize you all can go to a bar?" Riku asked, hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, but that's where Axel works. He's a waiter there. I swear, he puts booze in it or something." Pence chuckled, "We don't have to pay much with his discount."

Axel rolled his eyes. "Well, my 'discount' comes out my paycheck." the red-head said, quickly jumping into his rollerblades. "It's not free anymore."

"I heard the Special was good." Riku commented. "Lemon, Strawberries and a hit of sugar?"

Olette smiled. "Nope. That's the Twilight Sky. It's a mystery what goes in the Special. It's always good though." she said.

* * *

The group headed for Cyberia as Sora watched the outside sky that never changed. He wanted to leave the hospital _now._ "Roxas, I want to go home with you." he said again, this time shocking the blonde.

"Why would want to do that?"

"I'm always here... I'm bored and there's nothing left to read." Sora said, "I'm always reading. Now it's getting boring."

Roxas had to agree on that. Sora had picked up one his books when he was still studying in the ICU and started reading that recently. Before that, it was all dragons and monsters and fantasy worlds he could escape to. "I'll let you come to my house on one condition.."

"Yes?"

"Don't get such high hopes next time. Oh! and condition number two: You can't eat _anything_ in the fridge. I don't know how old it is." Roxas told Sora who laughed.

"You're so organized here! Why don't I just live at your house, so you can keep your house in better condition?" he suggested.

Roxas yawned. "I never thought about home therapy." he said, "Let's try it out."

Sora was moved to the wheelchair, where he was pushed to the front desk to explain the situation. Xion nodded but had to call the Superior up to get approval. Since the boy had been improving for a while... "He's free to leave now." Xemnas told Roxas who then took Sora to his home.

* * *

**Loki here:**

**Not super long like last time, but it works. **

**I had no music during this chapter... Which is why it sucks.**

**The home therapy thing is because he doesn't remember Kairi, and he hasn't seen Riku yet. **

**So he has no friends to return to.  
**

**Well, _please_ review!**


	8. Shattered Memories

**_~Never Again Shall I Be Myself_**

**_~Chapter Seven: _Shattered Memories_  
_**

_**~Written by: **_**Loki**

_**~Note:**_**_ Guess Who I Decided NOT to Kill?_**

* * *

The sky was one with many worlds, but closed off to so many... Sora Gainsborough knew this. But today, was different. He felt like he could touch the sky and walk on it forever and ever even though his leg movement was so, so ever limited.. Roxas wheeled Sora out of the towering hospital with no name today. Some called it "Hospital Oblivion", since some came in and never came out, others called it the "Hospital That Never Was".. But he had grown very fond of the staff there. The staff... not so much. He had found out that Axel left due to the hospital not funding his project. And that project was something to do with intense heat. He had known Axel for a very short time though.

"Oh wow Roxas... This is even more pretty than from the _garden_!" Sora exclaimed as he was pushed up the hill and looked at everything. In all of his waking hours, he'd only been allowed to go the icecream parlour once or twice and these new buildings were so beautiful, it made the old ones even more unique. "Say... Can we have icecream?" he asked out the blue. "I think I still have some munny in the account Mom left me..."

Roxas blinked at Sora's excitement, but appeased his desire for icecream, while he had a frozen yogurt.. Taking some time to relax and take in the fresh air.

* * *

It was surprising how accurate Roxas' words were. He hauled out a over-flowing garbage and stuffed the (probably three weeks' worth) laundry in a basket, opening the windows before letting Sora enter his apartment. "Lorem meam humilem domum..." Roxas said, rolling a confused Sora in.

"Laura... Whaaat?"

Roxas laughed as he sat Sora on the couch. "It means 'Welcome to my humble home' in Latin. I had to pay some attention in Latin to learn medical terms, y'know." the blonde smiled. "How else would I know to prescribe your seizure medication?"

"...Good point." Sora said, lying back in the pillow of the couch. "Later, can we go for a walk?"

"Yeah, sure... Whatever you want." Roxas said, "Though I need to keep my windows open so you won't get sick. I've been neglecting this place for a while. I'll have someone clean my apartment while we're gone. Cause you need cleaner air than this."

Sora nodded. "Alright. I'm fine with a hotel." he said.

The blonde picked up his phone and called the hotel. "Hello? Yes.. Two double beds-"

"I'm fine with one if you are, it's one night." Sora interjected, "And we're guys..."

"One double bed then... and please clean out your air trap. I know horrible it is for Hotels to forget and I'm an asthmatic." Roxas told the lady on the other line, "Thank you. You will expect me tonight then."

* * *

_"Sora, if we climb up the tallest building, then maybe Mommy will see us!"_

_"Yeah.." Sora told the girl as he handed her an icecream. "...I'm gonna do it."_

_"Sora! I was joking!"_

_"Well, Mommy can't see me if I stay on the ground!" Sora protested, sticking the end of his icecream in his mouth before running off to a Coconut tree._

_"Sora! Get down!"_

_The brunette could see everything from the top of the coconut tree, but not his mother. "Mommy! Mommy!" he called out, as a young Riku ran out and shook the tree and caught Sora._

_"Thank... goodness... you're okay Sora." Riku said, half-winded by the impact._

_Sora pouted and got up. "I'm awesome. I climbed that by myself this time!" he said, grinning. "But... Mommy's not there."  
_

* * *

"Say, today is that day... wasn't it?" Kairi asked, looking up to Riku, who nodded silently.

"Yeah. I miss her too." he stated, biting into his icecream. "Do you want to go back to get her something?"

"I'd... like that." Kairi got up and moved the Usual Spot's curtain to walk to the train Station when someone stopped her.

"Aerith?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. It a was spiky-haired man that had stopped her.

Riku swatted his hand away. "So what if she is?" Riku asked.

"Aerith, you never got my last letter did you?" Kairi turned around and the man blinked. "You-You're not Aerith."

"My name is Kairi. Kairi Gainsborough. I assume you are talking about my mother." Kairi said, looking at him. It was the black-haired man in her mother's old photographs... the man that her mother didn't like talking about..

"Wh-what are you talking about? Aerith wouldn't have any kids!" he stuttered in disbelief.

"So.. I finally found you... Father."

* * *

**Guess what? I didn't kill Zack like I thought I would. [/happy Zack/Aerith fans?] and oooh? Letter? What happened there? [/suspensesupense]**

**I love you all for sticking with me so long~**

**~Loki  
**


	9. Hiatus Note One

the next chapter will be on Hiatus again for a bit. I apologize.

I will be re-writing the previous ones to allow the story's flow...

It's a bad habit to quit when I'm exhausted..

So, you'll find updated work in a couple of months, since I'll be doing everything at once.


End file.
